You may not be conservative if

With all the talk about how talk radio does not think John McCain is conservative enough, here are some things that may indicate if you are a conservative or not (not all apply to John McCain):

1. If you think the founding fathers did not intend issue adds, run within 60 days of a general or 30 days of a primary election, to be protected under the first amendment, you may not be a conservative.
2. If you think the key to this country's success is spending more money on public education, you may not be conservative.
3. If you think that there are "some jobs Americans just won't do", you may not be conservative.
4. If you think that our energy independence depends on subsidies to wealthy agricultural businesses to use our food supply for fuel, you may not be conservative.
5. If you have ever seen a fat person eating at McDonald's and thought it was anyone's business but theirs, you may not be conservative.
6. If you have ever been faced with a terrorist attack or natural disaster, and your first response was to create a new bureaucracy to deal with it, you may not be conservative.
7. If someone said you work well with democrats and you didn't respond by uttering a profanity, you may not be conservative.
8. If your National Director of Hispanic Outreach is the former head of a Mexican government agency whose mission is to help as many Mexicans as possible get across the border into the US, you may not be conservative.
9. If you have a National Director of Hispanic Outreach as part of your presidential campaign you may not be conservative.
10. If you think spending trillions of dollars to stop the temperature from rising 1 degree in 100 years is a good idea because who knows, global warming might be true, you may not be conservative.
11. If you think it should be government's responsibility to keep us from making stupid decisions, you may not be conservative.
12. If you think it is government's role to protect us from the consequences of stupid decisions, you may not be conservative.
13. If you only believe in capitalism and free markets when the economy is doing well, you may not be conservative.
14. If you think no one has the right to smoke a cigarette in a bar, you may not be conservative and I hate you.
15. If you don't believe that people for the most part can manage their own lives, you may not be conservative.
16. If complain about the vehicles your neighbors drive as wasting too much gas, you are probably an annoying sanctimonious pain in the ass and you may not be a conservative.
17. If you pick and choose the amendments in the bill of rights that you support, you may not be a conservative.
18. If you go on and on about how the most vile and disgusting forms of expression possible are "art" protected by the first amendment yet don't think that certain political speach is, you are an idiot and may not be a conservative.